When Can You Touch
by Shambhalasoulful
Summary: He wonders why it feels so intimate, to have their fingertips touch.


**A/N**: Finished RahXephon a couple weeks ago, and knew I had to write a little love bit for Ayato and Haruka. So here it is! I hope you all enjoy it!

**Warning(s)**: Very mild sensuality.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own RahXephon or its characters, themes, or settings. I do own this story. Whoot.

* * *

The same metallic chill, the same emotionless faces, the same leaden, deadened colors that pierce his mind like the laboratory syringes that pierce his skin.

He knows they are merely dreams, nightmares that his blue blood cells orchestrate to destroy his humanity. But the cause is moot; the images never fail to leave him clammy with dread, sleep clothes sticking to his skin like a membrane. He wakes with a barely-withheld gasp, hand clutching his shirt, gaze locked on the view of the ocean. Since coming to live here, he has found the shifting waves to be a source of composed energy, enough to pacify the howl of RahXephon's call.

_For now._

He tosses the blankets aside to sit up and contemplate his next course of action. Sleep is no longer an option, and the joy he captures in his drawings has been elusive. Nevertheless, he finds himself reaching for his trusty sketchpad, and within moments, the familiar outline of a face fills the page, blank eyes gazing back into his with understanding. It's rather sad, he thinks with a small, amused smile, that all of his time is spent daydreaming about a girl that no longer exists, at least not in the way he imagines her. If she is out there, her life is already complete, filled with the prosperous earnings of a career, the laughter of children, and the love of a devoted partner. She would care less about the adolescent affections of a former classmate who really only knew her name.

The pencil strokes across the paper with gentle force, and as he shades in her wide eyes, adds pupil to iris, he feels that familiar sense of _alone_ welling within him like the tide, cresting against the little rest he has attained. With a sigh, he drops the pencil to the floor and returns his gaze to the sea outside his window, rests his chin in his palm and studies the push and pull of the current.

"_Meow_."

With a violent start and a yell, Ayato falls against the rumpled mess of his futon, heart pounding as a small kitten pads into his space and rubs against his bare ankles.

"_Meow_."

"Buchi." With a breath of relief and a scolding tone, Ayato watches the impish kitten, lips twitching in a smirk when large eyes regard him with a sentience almost too sharp. With a shake of his head, Ayato leans forward to clasp the small ball of fur and bring him to his chest, where he rubs the calico spot behind his ear. "Where's your mama, huh?"

The cat mews again, throat vibrating with a purr when a finger strokes the underside of his chin. The boy chuckles. "You don't seem too concerned." Distantly, he can hear the rummaging sounds of Haruka as she searches the corners and cupboards of the house, her hushed voice drifting to his ears. "Guess she's already on the hunt." With a push of his unoccupied hand, Ayato rises to his feet and slides the door entirely open. He presses a finger to his lips as a signal for silence, and Buchi quirks his ears in reply. As they step into the dark hallway, the hushed calls rise in volume and Haruka's shadowed figure appears at the end of the walkway, her crouched position mutating her shape.

"Buchi! _Buchi_! Where _are_ you?"

With silent steps, Ayato treads down the deserted hall to Haruka's side, Buchi's soft paws kneading against his forearms. _I hope she doesn't hate me for this._ In a rare moment of silliness, Ayato stops just behind her, leans down, and places Buchi just close enough to tickle his whiskers against the woman's neck.

With a shriek, Haruka jumps to her full height, her hands going to her neck to bat away the prickling sensation. Ayato retreats with a laugh that echoes down the hallway, lips stretched in a grin. As Haruka whirls around, he notes the wide brown eyes that always remind him of the girl in his artworks. Before he can blush at the comparison, she's on him.

"Ayato!" Her hands are splayed over her heart, her breath coming in short pants. He winces in sympathy.

"Sorry, Haruka-san. Buchi came into my room, and I heard you looking for him. But when I saw you, and you didn't see me…" he grins, "I couldn't resist."

She huffs in response to his explanation, but those wide eyes crinkle in amusement. "Well, at least you're honest. Megumi always blames it on a ghost." They both chuckle at that, and Haruka bends down to regard the calico kitten in his arms. "Did you go to mess with Ayato, Buchi?" With a mew, the kitten wiggles out of Ayato's arms and jumps into Haruka's embrace. "I hope we didn't wake you, Ayato."

The boy shakes his head. "No, I was already awake."

The woman's lips turn down in concern. "Have a bad dream?"

Embarrassment heats his cheeks. _She can probably hear me freaking out from **her** place, dammit._ He shakes his head again and prepares to assure her before another voice trails down the hall.

"Is there a reason why the two of you are standing in the hallway having a conversation in the middle of the night?"

"Uncle!" The old man gives them a wink, the glow of his pipe a dim beacon in the darkness. Haruka straightens and attempts a formal bow, though Buchi's purr ruins the effect. "My apologies, Uncle. My shift ran late tonight, and then Buchi went missing into Ayato's room."

Ayato joins in the apology. "I'm sorry if we woke you, sir."

Rikudo's raspy chuckle echoes down the walkway, and he waves his hand to dismiss them. "Enough with the formality. I wish I saw this more often. This house was made for late-night shenanigans between young people."

The statement strikes Ayato as odd, and he glances at Haruka to see the rolling of her eyes, though her cheeks are lit with a light blush. The sight makes his brow lift.

Rikudo takes the pipe from his lips and blows a puff of blue-shaded smoke into the air. "Don't mind this old man. Goodnight, you two." With that, he retreats into his room.

"Goodnight," the two of them echo back, and once again they're left alone in the hallway. A moment of silence passes between them, a comfortable one, and Haruka turns to him with a tender smile.

"Well, goodnight, Ayato. I'll make sure to keep Buchi out of your room."

Ayato watches her departure with mixed emotions, knowing she needs her sleep, but also knowing that returning to his room will mean another restless night alone.

_Maybe she'd be willing to…_

"Haruka-san?" The call is out of his mouth before he can lock it in his throat, and he shuffles his bare feet as she turns to regard him. Buchi's eyes glow green in the darkness, challenging him to continue.

"What is it, Ayato?" Her expression is curious but welcoming, and he feels slightly encouraged.

"Would it be alright if…maybe I…spent some time at your place? Just for a while?"

The look she gives him says even more than her wide eyes and blushing visage. She regards him with surprise, and he can tell she's trying to school her expression into something milder. Her lips move minutely, but no sound escapes, and Buchi mews contritely when her arms squeeze him the slightest amount.

"You want…to come over?"

He almost forgoes the request entirely and considers escaping to his room, but he stays, head lowered. "If you don't mind."

She eyes him for another moment, and the clock in the living area chimes midnight. Finally, just before he loses his nerve completely, she smiles gently and nods.

"Of course. Come on."

He releases a pent-up sigh of relief and follows her down the hallway to the front door, where they step outside into the warm night air. Almost immediately, the tropical breeze and distantly roaring tide bring a halt to his amounting anxieties, and he sighs in reprieve as the pressures of his nightmares dissipate.

"Feels great, doesn't it?"

He nods and closes his eyes to the breeze, feeling the last of his worries vanish into the dark horizon. Subtly, he slides them back open to glance at the woman next to him and smiles at the relaxation on her own face.

_It's nice. That we can be this way again, after everything that's happened._

Haruka and Buchi lead the way next door, where the small Western-style home beckons their arrival. The three of them step inside, and Ayato wonders at the silence permeating the air.

"Where's Megumi?"

"Staying the night at Kim's. She'll be back tomorrow afternoon."

As Haruka turns the knob and steps inside the door to the left, Ayato studies the organized clutter that marks every corner. Books stacked on the floor, manila folders piled on the desk, TERRA's seal stamped on the covers. He hides a smile at the stuffed animals lined up on the bed, their small faces grinning almost in welcome.

"Megumi was right," he begins, grin breaking through despite his best efforts.

Haruka turns to him, head cocked in question.

"She told me once that, despite your age and experience in TERRA, you were still a girl at heart." He points to the stuffed lion on the edge of the comforter, a large red bow tucked under its mane. "He proves it."

Haruka's nose wrinkles in mock offense. "First time in my room and you're already making fun of me? You're a cruel person, Ayato."

He snickers. "That lion asked for it."

With a good-humored pout, the woman places Buchi onto the mattress, and the kitten immediately pounces one of the stuffed animals lined along the wall, digging his paws into its cotton belly. Haruka settles into her desk chair with a chuckle and rests her chin in her palms of her hands. "So, you have any idea what you want to do?"

With a shrug, Ayato lowers himself to the floor, feeling oddly comfortable in the older woman's room. "I didn't really think that far. I guess I assumed you would have work to do or something."

"Well, I do, but it's nothing that can't wait 'til tomorrow."

Ayato smiles with a quick shake of his head. "I don't want to impose on anything. You do your work, I'll entertain myself."

Haruka quirks an eyebrow. "Kinda ruins the point of coming here if we just ignore each other."

"We'll still be spending time together. I plan to rummage around and find embarrassing stuff about you." He pauses. "If that's okay."

"Nosing around in my personal belongings? Knock yourself out." With a shared laugh, Ayato crawls to the shelf, grabs a small cardboard box, and turns to Haruka for her permission. She nods, and he scoots himself and the box close to her chair and lounges against the seat. Haruka blinks at the casual proximity and flushes with pleasure as she focuses on her first set of paperwork.

The next two hours pass in the same comfortable silence that found them before. Ayato carefully separates the odd and ends of Haruka's possessions, and he quickly discovers her inner pack rat. Brochures from places she's visited, old restaurant menus, her elementary and middle school uniforms.

_She keeps everything! I can't even __**remember**__ my elementary school uniform, and she has hers packed away like she's gonna wear it again!_

He snickers at the idea, but quickly quiets when Haruka looks down at him with suspicion.

"What did you find?"

He edges the box away from her sight. "Nothing. Go back to work."

She eyes him with obvious doubt, but returns to her work. With the coast clear, Ayato returns to his rummaging. As he circulates from box to box, he finds himself shuffling through her childhood, her teenaged and college years. He finds letters from friends and family, quizzes, tests, and essays. A faded picture of Elvy-san, an old photo of Itsuki-san, and Ayato remembers that the older man once dated Haruka in college.

_As if I have any right to care. She had a life long before I came around and made it complicated..._

He replaces the photos with care and leans back against the seat, and too late he realizes he's made Haruka's thigh his head rest. He waits for a reaction, a signal to retreat, and when neither comes, he relaxes completely, glancing at his faithful watch.

_2:30 AM. Later than I thought. _He turns to see Haruka's progress, eyes the hand that supports her smooth cheek as she signs documents, notes the concentrated look in those wide brown eyes.

Perhaps it is the fatigue weighing on his common sense, or the recent discoveries he's made. Perhaps it is simply a remnant of his earlier confidence; regardless, in a fit of boldness, Ayato reaches for that hand, clutches it in his own, and brings it down to his chest.

"Ayato?"

He studies its slender shape, recalls the damage it dealt to those men when they first met, the tenderness with which it held him as he tumbled back into her world, after he and Quon were lost.

"Ayato?" Haruka's tone shifts, confusion to concern.

He runs his fingers over her own and wonders why it feels so intimate, to have their fingertips touch.

_This is the first time…_

She entwines their hands and squeezes, and he knows she understands.

"Sorry."

"For what?"

"Distracting you."

The chair moves, and he sits up to allow its revolution and regard the woman rising from her seat to plant herself on the nearby bed. Buchi abandons his stuffed playmate and bounces over to lie in her lap, purr resonating through the room.

He smiles softly. _Buchi's got the right idea._

"Ayato."

He lifts his gaze to hers and plants his hands on the floor, uses the push to rise to his feet. He walks the short distance to the bed's two occupants and lowers himself to his knees, leans forward to rest one hand on Buchi's back and the other on Haruka's shoulder. She smiles in response to his touch, brushes her cheek against the knuckles of his hand, and he responds by turning his palm over to smooth it against her jaw.

_This the first time. The first time I've been completely comfortable with someone's touch._

The roar of his blue blood pounds in his ears, and he ignores it, tilts his head to sweep his lips against each corner of her mouth before pressing firmly.

_If you can hear me, Mishima, Ixtli, RahXephon, this is where I wish to be._ He presses closer, cups her face in his hands, tries to memorize the touch of her breath on his own as she caresses his cheek and strokes her fingers through the tangles in his hair. _This is what I wish to protect_.

_If you can, help me to save them. To save her._


End file.
